Charlotte Lovers Beware!

Anyone who knows me well can state with certainty that I'm not very good with creepy crawlies. At primary school my nickname was "Daddy Long Legs" due to my arachnophobia heightened by the stories my mother told me of the giant spiders who lived in our woodshed in the back yard and the ones that came out at night from under my bed at my grandparent's old house and apparently ran over my face while I was asleep.

I have been really good lately. I don't scream when I'm divebombed by anything leggy falling from the ceiling. I even managed to go past an eight inch long stick insect that has taken up residence in an old rose bush out the front the other day. However a few mornings ago my heart almost stopped when I went into the loo and saw the mother of all spiders lying in wait near the door. I do not exaggerate so when I say that its body was a good 1 cm in length and its legs 8 cms in diametre you can be pretty certain that this was no ordinary breed of spider but a mutant strain sent to exterminate mankind. I rushed for the fly spray and let rip till it was iced white but the monster just sat there and did nothing but stare up at me with all eight beady little eyes. I then took a rolled up newspaper and bashed the living daylights out of it until it rolled up in self defence and limped away under the outside door.

When I told my friend John about this he was incredibly shocked that I could do such a thing since I say I'm an animal lover. I did tell him that I wished it a happy rebirth but he remained pretty appalled and told me that I've probably killed the last of a rare strain of NZ native arachnae. I ended up feeling so guilty that I realised that instead I should have carried it outside to the woodshed and provided it was a nice new cobweb and a friendly talking pig as a companion.......