The Return of the Egg Man and Other Idiots

I am distinctly nervous when I haven't seen Mishka for at least ten minutes. This usually signals he's sneakily egg hunting. Last weekend I noticed him lying beneath a tree on the lawn panting away. Thinking he was suffering from the summer heat I just left him alone until he made his way inside at lunch time. Immediately the most pungent aroma filled the house and I realised he'd gorged himself on a nest of rotten hens' eggs. How he finds these is a mystery, he seems to have been born with an innate ability to discover nests hidden away in remote areas that he never usually goes.

That night the smell was so potent I made him sleep in the hallway, grateful for the fact that I am not addicted to cigarettes as one struck match could have ignited the foul stench and blown the whole house away. In desperation I lifted up his tail and saw the remnants of various effusions so spent ten minutes "dagging" (cutting the messy hair) from around his rear end which frankly is a job I should receive danger money for.

Monday I received a call from my brother to say that Fungus the Bogey Car (my car left at his place) had been vandalized and the two right doors kicked in. This is the second time in three years that some idiot has had a go at it which infuriates me as anyone could tell it's a very old car that belongs to a financially challenged person. Rich too it to a panel beater who quoted repairs costing $800. As the car is only insured for $1000 and really only worth $300 we were both worried that the insurance company would write it off which would leave me without a car at all as you cannot buy anything roadworthy for a thousand these days. We both visited the insurance company who promised to do their best but since then I have been too frightened to ring and learn their decision.

Wednesday morning before I went to my art group I discovered "Limpy" a very old bantam hen had died in her sleep so there was a burial at 7am. Despite this sad start I had a pleasant day and came home late afternoon to confirm an advert I have placed in the accommodation wanted section of the local paper. At 8.45pm however I received a phone call from The Landlord who told me that despite telling me I had till mid March to find a place he wants me out yesterday as he has builders lined up to do alterations to the house. He asked if I had a Plan B which of course I haven't so he has told me to double my efforts to find somewhere to live. Obviously he thinks I just sit around eating bon bons and not doing anything. I was too gobsmacked to even ask when he was going to fix the broken window which has been left now for eight weeks.Add all this to relatives ringing to say my mother is dying it has not been a good start to the year.