The Miraculous Escaping Donkey

Briar has been on a diet since August. And she's not happy. She had been enjoying freedom in the company of some pet lambs in another paddock where she had stuffed her face to her heart's content but when I went to fetch her for a hoof trim I noticed that she was not so keen on walking back with me. It took me half an hour to move her fifty feet as she was so uncomfortable. She had, in a word, foundered. The farrier told me it was important she be fenced in a small area with limited access to food so I hauled out my electric fence unit which hadn't been used since early 1998 and did a crash course on learning how to work it.

Turned out I was an abject failure at mastering electric fence units. However a friend came round, actually read the instructions, and with a little effort it wasn't long until I was getting a few shocks. At first Briar was extremely pissed off. Before long I began feeling sorry for her so would allow her into my garden area for half an hour's grazing which worked well until I forgot to shut the driveway gate and she made a break for freedom. That saw me chasing one very fat gray ass down the road. Every time I seemed to near her she would kick up a gear and tear past me. Fortunately after a kilometre she developed sore feet and had to seek refuge on the side of the road where I trapped her by a gate, managing to get her halter on before she sped off again. As the road slopes slightly we had an even quicker trip home as by this time I was in a bit of a mood.


Then Briar developed magical powers. In the morning her enclosure would be devoid of donkey and I would go down the road to discover her ensconced in my landlord's parent's front paddock. On one occasion I roped in a friend to help me get her back- it took two of us a good half hour of pushing and pulling her across an incredibly bumpy field before we reached home. Another time it took three frail females, two hauling on her halter, me bringing up the rear pushing her enormous rear, to finally return her to what she now regarded as a prison. Finally though I discovered the secret of her escape method- she would just crawl underneath the electric fence tape not caring if she was zapped or not. The frequent sight of me dragging a reluctant fat donkey back along the road caused many a near accident as neighbouring farmers slowed down their utes in order to have a good laugh.

As a more svelte donkey emerged from beneath three saddlebags of fat so did her previous happy go lucky nature. If Briar managed to escape during the night she would always walk back when I went out first thing in the morning, squeezing under the electric fence tape in order to say hello. She also developed a quasi friendly relationship with Stig the goat. Although there would be a few kicks and bucks while he tried to headbutt her as she attempted to steal his food if I wasn't around they would happily sit near each other chewing the fat and cuds in mutual contentment.