The Phone Phobic Pooch

When you re home an older dog you automatically take on all their little foibles as well. Joey's previous owners had admitted that he had a slight phone phobia but that it just involved him running constantly from room to room while they were talking. I noticed this the first time someone called me. The phone ringing would stir him into action and he would trot around constantly with his mouth open until I hung up. Then I noticed that he would follow me to the sitting room and watch anxiously to see if I was going to use the phone. This soon developed into running and pushing into me with his front feet before scooting away while I was talking. Then he began barking at me constantly. I tried to make my being on the phone a pleasant experience for him. I bought rawhide treats and would produce them while I was talking so he could take his frustration out them instead of my legs but every so often he would still make a running jump at me. A friend gave me a plastic bottle of stones to shake at him when he barked at me but this just meant he would bark from a distance. In the end if I wanted peace and quiet I would have to put him on his lead which seemed to keep him calm.

But then Joey became sneaky. If the phone rang he would pull it off its holder and remove the handset, often carrying it out onto the lawn where it would be clawed at, scratched and bitten. I began hiding the phone up on an armchair beneath a cushion and a pile of laundry waiting to be ironed. On re-entering the room I'd discover the washing all over the floor and the handset mauled. Not only the phone was at risk but anything sitting nearby which is how a DVD cover and DVD remote control lost their lives.

I was forced to shut the sitting room door whenever I went outside to prevent Joey's phone abuse. But my memory is not as good as it used to be and I would occasionally forget to take precautions which is how my dear black cordless phone had its antennae bitten off. However it still worked.... for a time. Then I forgot the door again and found the handset's corpse proudly laid in state on the dining room carpet. I hauled out the old white cord phone thinking this would be ignored. Within two days the cord was severed in an act of callous and unwarranted violence. I was forced to use a very old Telecom phone that would only work if I plugged it into a jack near the back door which forced me to make all my calls sitting by the kitty litter trays.

I now have a new $4 phone from Trademe. It sits on top of the mantelpiece and instead of ringing it plays Paganini's Variations on a Theme. I don't know what happened to Joey as a young dog that caused his extremely hatred of phones. I only know that any telephone in this house is in mortal danger and that talking to my friends is no longer a joy but is seen as an act of war by a hairy pooch with a phobia.